Last Thursday I went to my ultrasound and found out that I would be having a miscarriage. They couldn't find a heartbeat and the baby was measuring 8 weeks instead of 11. It was a hard day. A lot has happened the past few weeks. BJ was laid off from work only a week and 1/2 before. Our kitchen has been in remodel mode for weeks with all the contents of our cabinets and drawers on the floor and tables...waiting day after day only to have another no-show to finish the staining! It was a lot...and I cried ... and cried.
I've learned a lot throughout these past few weeks. We all have trials, no one is exempt, no matter if you're trying your hardest to do the right things. It just happens and it's how you get through the trials that determines how you learn. If it strengthens you or not.
I have to share what has happened since this time. Going back to the day we found out about the baby. At the Dr.'s office, right after we heard the news BJ's phone rang, he didn't take the call then but when we got home he called back to hear that he was being scheduled for an interview the following morning. He was offered the job that afternoon. It's a 6 month contract with not too far of a commute. The salary is close to what he made before and we feel very blessed. He'll start around Labor Day if not a little sooner. So, with such sad news one day, the next day such wonderful news.
Because I was out of the danger zone (no longer pregnant) BJ and I just finished staining the kitchen and all weekend I cleaned out cabinets and organized. It's all back together and it looks fabulous. It's amazing how therapeutic it was to put away and organize and clean. It was hard living without the kitchen! I posted some pictures showing what we've done so far. We are very close. We ran out of stain for one last section in the back and want to put on knobs and hopefully will be all done this week.
So, yesterday I actually had the D&C and have had an easy recovery. What I had was a "missed miscarriage". My body didn't realize that the baby had died and so was continuing on as if I were pregnant. So I had three options... wait for my body to spontaneously miscarry (which sometimes wouldn't happen for weeks to months--they only would have allowed another month to continue), medication to cause severe cramping and bleeding to bring about the miscarriage or the D&C (Dilation and Curettage, an outpatient surgery). I opted for the D&C. I didn't want to just wait around and wonder when the miscarriage would happen. The medication would be extremely painful and the chance of having to do a D&C anyways if something was left behind is always a possibility. I was nervous but also at peace with the decision. The surgery was quick and today I already feel almost back to normal. Not much pain at all.
These past two weeks have been one of the hardest times of my life but also such a blessing. I knew BJ would find a job, but just didn't know the timing. I knew the miscarriage was natures way, God's way, of saying, let's try that again, things just weren't quite right, but it was still very hard. I know even more now, without a doubt, that Heavenly Father loves me, loves my family and loves all of us. He knows of our trials. He wants to bless us. He sent His love through many angels, my friends and family. From the beginning I felt such support, love and friendship. I have had many calls, beautiful flowers, yummy treats, hugs, talks and notes. I had two of my sweet friends show up and kick BJ and I out the door on a date while they watched the kids and cleaned my house. I had dinner brought in to us yesterday from sweet friends in my ward. On Sunday a friend who does my hair came up to me with a hug and said that she wanted to do my hair for me free of charge. Seriously! I have felt such an outpouring of love. I am overwhelmed and emotional just thinking back to these past few days and all that has happened and all of the people who have cared and checked in on me and served me and my family. I am just so grateful that Heavenly Father has blessed me to have these sweet people in my life.
I am feeling pretty good, my emotions are still kind of close to the surface, but I'm good. I feel blessed to have 4 healthy, great kids that I have to squeeze and love and a sweet husband who works so hard, is so postive and takes care of me. We'll try it again in a few months for that number 5 to join our family. In the mean time I want to focus on being healthy and enjoy my husband still being home for a little while longer (what a blessing that has been to have him home to be with me during this miscarriage and caring for me after the procedure). And...I'm going to enjoy this kitchen...here are the pictures. I love you all. Miracles do happen...even in the hardest times. I truly believe we are here to help eachother through life, we can be bring the little miracles to others through our love and service. That is what has happened to us.
Kitchen before ( our sample granite slab is sitting on the counter)
Another view 
The new kitchen...granite, stained cabinets dark, new sink, faucet. I want to find a fun rug...
Another view. New range hood, wider bar. I love it...it's almost done. A lot of work but worth it.
I love how my older black oven just melts into the cabinets and how I can't see the crumbs! 
